At the American Center for Biological Medicine, we offer a number of treatment options for those seeking better health. Following this month’s theme Better in Health, Better in Bed – we want to tackle a complex issue related to overall mental health and well-being – anxiety. Anxiety is itself the issue of constant worry and it can affect all other areas of your life including your relationship and sex life.
To get a better picture of how your relationship might be making you anxious and what can be done, we spoke with a woman of many professional talents Barbara Saint John. Saint John is a nationally-acclaimed lecturer, author, grief recovery specialist, certified hypnotherapist, relationship consultant, transformational therapist, and businesswoman. We asked the “worrying” questions and she gave us the expert answers.
How does anxiety in a relationship affect your role in the bedroom?
Saint John said that when you are feeling anxiety and stress it is difficult to “get into the mood.” Anxiety will create an interference in your sexual life that can put a real damper on connecting with your partner and being able to experience the intended pleasure in the moment.
What are some signs that your relationship is making you anxious?
Saint John points to a number of potential signs that your relationship is causing you anxiety.
If you are worrying and thinking about the relationship with your significant other constantly. This can include worrying about the past, worrying about what is going to happen in the future of the relationship, and worrying about the “now” or the present.
If you are overanalyzing or overthinking everything that partner says or does. You may worry about what your partner is doing when you are apart or worry and become anxious over who he or she may be talking to. Saint John says, “This happens because you are so worried and afraid about the status of your relationship.”
Anxiety can be caused when you feel or think you are putting more into the relationship than your partner is. You may be the one who has to set plans and you may have to constantly talk about what you need and want from your partner. The idea of talking and sharing your truth about what you want and need can also prompt anxiety.
- Additionally, anxiety can be caused by a partner who is emotionally unavailable. You may go from functioning to emotional because you find yourself always begging your partner to show up for you. This might cause you to have questions about whether you are enough for your partner. You may even be anxious about your significant other coming home and having to be around him or her. This can be very stressful and is not a good sign. Your subsequent anxiety will prevent you from functioning and getting things done to the fullest extent. This also includes being able to connect with your partner in bed.
How can anxiety hold you back from being intimate?
Saint John says that anxious thoughts or feelings can diminish your sex drive. When you have feelings of overwhelm–they will derail your thoughts about having sex and prevent you from “being in the mood.” If you cannot relax your body, you will not be available to get that adrenaline moving and revel those sexual sensations. Love making then becomes a lot more difficult.
What are some recommended treatment options to help someone who is feeling anxious in a relationship?
She says that many issues of anxiety in the bedroom can be worked out, especially with the help of a specialist. A specialist will assist you in recognizing how your anxiety is disrupting your sex life. Such as why you are no longer having fun, why sex is not pleasurable anymore, and why sex does not act as a stress reliever. All this information will help in your healing. There are also a number of natural ways to remedy anxiety through mind-body techniques, such as:
Light and Sound Therapy – can help to calm the “Racing Brain” or “Looping Brain”
Exercise with Oxygen Therapy (EWOT) – your breathing is shallow when stressed and you need more oxygen
Colon Hydrotherapy – when you are stressed and anxious this can cause your body to hold onto everything making you feel constipated
IV Therapy – when stressed and anxious you deplete your body of vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants that keep your health; IV therapy can give you what your body needs
How can I help with my partner’s anxiety in the bedroom?
Saint John says, “It is sometimes hard to deal with a partner who is anxious and worried. It is important for the partner to education himself or herself on what anxiety is and is not.”
Encouraging your partner to get help and supporting him or her in the decision to get help is one of the most important things you can do for your partner’s anxiety. Remember that the anxious feelings your partner may have can often come out of nowhere, unless you feel some responsibility in creating or triggering anxiety in your partner. However, it is important to remember that your partner’s anxiety is not your fault. It is good practice to ask your partner questions and just listen and try to understand his or her feelings. Be mature when sharing with your partner about your own worries or concerns about your sex life. Tell him or her what you need and work together without making your partner feel guilty. Guilting your partner about his or her anxiety and stress will only make it worse on your partner’s end. Reassuring your partner that you love him or her is, by far, the most important.
Let us be part of your life-changing experience!
About Barbara Saint John
Barbara Saint John is a nationally-acclaimed lecturer, author, grief recovery specialist, certified hypnotherapist, relationship consultant, transformational therapist, and businesswoman. Saint John has been a leader in her field for over 35 years. She has consistent success in applying specialized tools and techniques to help clients from all walks of life deal with stress, anxiety, abuse, and grief. Saint John is runs Life Phases International, which assists and guides those in every phase of life toward an understanding that garners intentional change and internal and external shifts to his or her experience. Check out Barbara Saint John’s full biography for more information on her background.